I sat and sipped at my tea, thinking back through my life. Time is a painful companion sometimes and this is not different. Sometimes the memory that the mind stirs are pleasurable and sometimes they are painful, but this time. . . the memories the mind pulled was painful. Drawing me back with every sip of my drink, pulling me back to the moment I lost the closest friends I had.
My birthday was near and I gathered those I hadn’t seen in years. I had seen them, but not seen them in almost six years. I moved away and started a new life with new friend and a new way of living life, but though they were not part of it, I kept them close to me. This was the moment to forget about the old me and use to the new me. It was my birthday and I gathered them all together. Friends I have had for years, through trouble and calm. They were my family. I never thought what happened would ever happen.
We enjoyed a great meal, a few drinks, and the night drew to a close. Six years of having friends buying birthday dinner accustomed me to not paying but their blank stares when the bill came alerted me to the fact they were not accustomed to that style. I paid and got up to leave, my mind flickering between the types of friends between two states and was overwhelmed by the most current. They thought I drank too much, which was only a few drinks, and opposed my driving home. I forced the issue since I was absolutely fine, but something deeper lingered with them.
Days later and missed communications a plenty, I inquired what was happening. They took their friendship with me to a chat room and on mass decided to sever their friendship with me then and there. I was silenced, unable to voice my side of their dispute. I tried to voice my protest in the name of friendship, but it fell on deaf ears.
I tried to forget them and what they meant to me, but everyone I knew said that what they think meant less than what I gave it. They decided to write me off, something I never do to a person, but they, many years later, hold to that one-sided pact, decided that severing me from the group that we once were without testimony from the defense was the right choice.
I still miss them and would accept them back at any time they want to renew our friendship, but the choice is theirs. Some have reached out, but not all. I miss what we were, but they have to accept what I am. Isn’t that what everyone hopes for? To shed their past and be accepted for what they are?
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